Ayan's Homepage

Category: poetry

  • cleanse

    Been feeling all the feels today.

    The phrase I’m taking to heart is:

    “I let go and release all things and people that don’t serve me.”

    That is it.

  • that’s what this feels like

    when i see your face, speckled, an apple varnish brows burrowed deep into your subconscious

    you say this is left field, my feelings. misgivings.

    you say I’m making it look easy, the road most traveled, the flow downstream – easy

    like going downhill after an arduous hike

    but you don’t remember my struggles

    the trek up the triple black diamond trail

    muscles strained push against the currants

    blooded & black – wounds in various states of healing

    when will it stop? I thought often.

    i sit. for a moment.

    and let you speak. because me? I hurt many monsoons ago.

  • maybe

    some days I feel like

    I’m drowning like

    I’m frowning like

    I’m not trying.

    hard enough. like

    did I do the right

    thing?

  • having said that

    this is where a poem belongs. in hearts and songs. spells and coffee, bright and heavy. hindsight 20/20. cross the street, don’t look back. gone, just like that.

  • 4th date

    all encompassing

    dream field, she’s dressed to the nines

    a cat in the night

    her dress, her crimes

  • stupid relief tree

    who are you,

    you to me. I feel dispensable, a soap container

    a plague, or mono. maybe. Never been kissed.

    a tumultuous stirring, a soap box, anti-abortion signs in the middle of a college campus. I stop frat-

    ernizing.

    Internalizing every tidbit, every

    upheaval, every breath

    inhalation

    inhale, every breath restrains. thought leaves rustle. thoughts leave.

    an anecdote, a pun, a pen, empty on its last limb

    limp.

    I feel as alone as a speck of sand in a toddlers shoe as she hurdles a tantrum. zen

    I breath. Subdued. one. two. three.

    every follicle, pore, every poor overworked thought tightening around my throat like a nuis-

    -ance

    I let go. one. two. three.

    and I grow.

  • quickie

    brown freckled skin leaning in sheryl sandberg style we’re both introverted. an inconvenient truth, heart on my sleeve it’s gore, all of it. you and me, sleepy and dreamy melatonin washes, lightly lapping my dream shore

    seaweed avocado cream cheese, sashimi, my rice rolls as you squeeze me

    i love you like a kid loves cake. i love you like a grandma loves to bake. like a seattle millennial loves to get baked. like a buff dude likes protein shakes. wow.

    i love you like i get up in the morning after a solid 8 hours and i stretch, feels good, bones crack, lips sunrise into a smile, warmth, heat, kindling 

    i’m corny, you lightly graze on my insecurities, loving dove pecking at the crumbs meticulously placed all around me, surrounding me 

    warm hands cold heart you rub your heart of psalms against my welcoming cool soul, bringing it back, back to life, karmic anatomy

  • when you ask me

    i look back my neck at a 90 degree angle, perfect, at the scene of you hunched over the computer screen pixelated 420p, take a smoke break. single black tolkien hairy hobbit toes stroking different cats for different folks. you’re a forlorn folktale, toes up and down the calico’s spine mouse click clack, back cracks as you look back craning your neck 90 degrees single dotted line black eyes piercing mine together 180, 2 degrees in a pod, perfect